As we all know sequels usually flop…and this speech is no exception to that rule. So here we go again with another off-the-tracks speech orchestrated by Mubarak to answer the calls and cries of his people….In true off-my-god-dam-rocker form he has of course done anything but that and instead answered his own selfish calls to try and stay on for as long as possible….
I think this basically sums up Mubarak’s mental state: At one point near the end of the speech he refers to himself in THIRD person which is a clear sign of where he stands on the mental scale of things…off-his-freaking-head.
Once again here is the speech with added commentary:
WARNING: anyone allergic to CHEESE and BULLS**** should avoid going any further….also, anyone with a nut allergy should steer clear from this nut job’s speech to.
I talk to you during critical times that are testing Egypt and its people which could sweep them into the unknown *Because all they have known is my dam face for 30 god dam years*. The country is passing through difficult times and tough experiences which began with noble youths and citizens who practise their rights to peaceful demonstrations and protests, expressing their concerns and aspirations but they were quickly exploited by those who sought to spread chaos and violence, confrontation and to violate the constitutional legitimacy and to attack it *oooh crap…I’ve given away the plot for tomorrows riots by my thugs….crap…crap…I’ve really gotta think before I speak more often…come to think of it maybe I shouldn’t push myself mentally…I’ve only just learnt how to spell the word ‘democracy’ …kept reading it on the people’s signs so it kind of just sunk in… have no f’n clue what it means though.. a nickname for me? *.
Those protests were transformed from a noble and civilised phenomenon of practising freedom of expression to unfortunate clashes, mobilised and controlled by political forces that wanted to escalate and worsen the situation *that’s a shout-out to my beloved Egypt weezy crew and their camels, horses and donkey’s…RESPECT… riot if you can hear me bois… Literally*. They targeted the nation’s security and stability through acts of provocation theft and looting and setting fires and blocking roads and attacking vital installations and public and private properties and storming some diplomatic missions.
We are living together painful days and the most painful thing is the fear that affected the huge majority of Egyptians and caused concern and anxiety over what tomorrow could bring them and their families and the future of their country *as opposed to the fear the population held beforehand of the secret services and the police… that’s the GOOD kind of fear…Just like Bacteria people…their are good and bad kinds.. think of the previous type of fear as the activia fear.. dam well good for you*.
The events of the last few days require us all as a people and as a leadership to chose between chaos and stability and to set in front of us new circumstances and a new Egyptian reality which our people and armed forces must work with wisely and in the interest of Egypt and its citizens
Dear brothers and citizens, I took the initiative of forming a new government with new priorities and duties that respond to the demand of our youth and their mission *and by that I mean my demands and the demands of…you guessed it my beloved and adored crew*. I entrusted the vice president with the task of holding dialogue with all the political forces and factions about all the issues that have been raised concerning political and democratic reform and the constitutional and legislative amendments required to realise these legitimate demands and to restore law and order but there are some political forces who have refused this call to dialogue, sticking to their particular agendas without concern for the current delicate circumstances of Egypt and its people *really hope this time no one calls my bluff…I used long and important sounding words people … so if it doesn’t impress you… what gives?*.
In light of this refusal to the call for dialogue and this is a call which remains standing, I direct my speech today directly to the people, its Muslims and Christians, old and young, peasants and workers, and all Egyptian men and women in the countryside and city over the whole country.
I have never, ever been seeking power and the people know the difficult circumstances that I shouldered my responsibility and what I offered this country in war and peace, just as I am a man from the armed forces and it is not in my nature to betray the trust or give up my responsibilities and duties * yea I never sought power…it sought me…It kept courting me and harassing me till I just had to give in…it sent flowers, chocolates and even wrote me touching love struck poems….I can’t help it people…I’m a sucker for romance…and since we have spent 30 blissful years together.. I can’t help but stick faithfully by it…it loves me and I love it…and that’s all that matters…plus…it pays my hefty bills..*
My primary responsibility now is security and independence of the nation to ensure a peaceful transfer of power in circumstances that protect Egypt and the Egyptians and allow handing over responsibility to whoever the people choose in the coming presidential election.
I say in all honesty and regardless of the current situation that I did not intend to nominate myself for a new presidential term *Yea…i know my limits people…30 years or so is just about enough of Hosni Mubarak being president….out with the old and in with the new I say…the new being Gamal Mubarak…See I was planning to give u a new snazzier Mubarak upgrade till you guys messed it up*. I have spent enough years of my life in the service of Egypt and its people
I am now absolutely determined to finish my work for the nation in a way that ensures handing over its safe-keeping and banner … preserving its legitimacy and respecting the constitution
I will work in the remaining months of my term to take the steps to ensure a peaceful transfer of power *from me to someone else like me…I’m taking this search for a tribute act of me seriously*.
According to my constitutional powers, I call on parliament in both its houses to discuss amending article 76 and 77 of the constitution concerning the conditions on running for presidency of the republic and it sets specific a period for the presidential term. In order for the current parliament in both houses to be able to discuss these constitutional amendments and the legislative amendments linked to it for laws that complement the constitution and to ensure the participation of all the political forces in these discussions, I demand parliament to adhere to the word of the judiciary and its verdicts concerning the latest cases which have been legally challenged. * I have no idea what all I just said means.. Thank god for speech writers.. come-to-think of it I don’t think I’ve ever read the constitution….I thought the constitution was simply whatever came out of my mouth…you learn something new every day I suppose*.
I will entrust the new government to perform in ways that will achieve the legitimate rights of the people and that its performance should express the people and their aspirations of political, social and economic reform and to allow job opportunities and combating poverty, realising social justice *shit I think I just mixed up my notes…don’t think anyone will realise that I’m harping on about the same crap I harped on about in my first speech.. if they do…ill just say I’m doin my bit for the environment and simply recycling.. can’t argue with my green fingered-ness*.
In this context, I charge the police apparatus to carry out its duty in serving the people, protecting the citizens with integrity and honour with complete respect for their rights, freedom and dignity. I also demand the judicial and supervisory authorities to take immediately the necessary measures to continue pursuing outlaws and to investigate those who caused the security disarray and those who undertook acts of theft, looting and setting fires and terrorising citizens *Dam should have worded that more selectively…under those rules I’m as good as f***** *.
This is my pledge to the people during the last remaining months of my current term:
I ask God to help me to honour this pledge to complete my vocation to Egypt and its people in what satisfies God, the nation and its people. *This religion card NEVER gets old.*
Dear citizens, Egypt will emerge from these current circumstances stronger, more confident and unified and stable. And our people will emerge with more awareness of how to achieve reconciliation and be more determined not to undermine its future and destiny.
*Someone call up the nearest mental institute and reserve a bed because we have a right old cracker coming in*> Hosni Mubarak who speaks to you today is proud of the long years he spent in the service of Egypt and its people. This dear nation is my country, it is the country of all Egyptians, here I have lived and fought for its sake and I defended its land, its sovereignty and interests and on this land I will die and history will judge me and others for our merits and faults. The nation remains. Visitors come and go but ancient Egypt will remain eternal, its banner and safekeeping will pass from one generation to the next. It is up to us to ensure this in pride and dignity.
So once again…he is managed to pull off another BS heavy speech…and in such a short time…what a ‘special’ person.
Till Next time,