You’ve Got Hacked

So over this past week there have been a barrage of Assad’s personal emails leaked to the press and it has given an interesting insight into the personal and private life of one of the world’s most hated figures. Amidst all the chaos, mayhem and bloodshed that is currently occurring in Syria one wonders what goes on in the head of Bashar Al-Assad…. And the answer is unsurprisingly, not much. There are no real bombshells hidden amongst the emails but nonetheless the emails do help in shedding some light on what is actually going on at the top of a well renowned secretive and exclusive regime.

So here is a brief round-up of 3 things I found most humorous:


1)  His Humour: Twisted

How do we know this? Assad apparently sent a Youtube video link which re-enacted the bloody siege of Homs using toys and biscuits to amuse an aide. This guy, whilst everyone else is busy amusing themselves with funny  and cute cat and baby videos he is out there LOL’ing at a bloody crackdown on his own people… which HE is instigating. I get that cat video’s are ‘too mainstream’ man but this is the wrong ‘hipster’ approach to it. Its more ‘Creepster’ if anything.

But to be honest, Ima give the dude the benefit of the doubt. Knowing him, he probably got confused and thought this video was actually a live recording of events on the ground. You see, with all that crap the Syrian State TV is pouring out it must be very hard to distinguish fact from fiction. And in this case, toy’s and biscuits probably seem just as plausible as any propaganda report that has been churned out by his beloved State TV. IF anything…. the video is probably more factual.


2)  His wife: shopping like there is no tomorrow

While Bashar is busy handling important state affairs like downloading the newest Chris Brown track (Team Breezy) and linking to his favorite educational videos on Homs, his wife was making a real difference and impact….. on their bank accounts. Woman reportedly dropped $10,000 pounds in Paris on some candlesticks. Now correct me if I’m wrong, but since when did anyone need to spend that much on candlesticks? Has no one alerted the woman of the advent of electricity? Even the gluttonous Kings who ruled in the Dark ages are turning in their graves at the thought of that much wonga being spent on candlesticks. Unless she dropped that amount on a bunch of candles she plans to send to the many areas in Syria which are currently being besieged by her husband’s security forces I see no good reason why she did what she did. Hell, the figure 10,000 and the word candle should never be in the same sentence together… Ever!


3) His Love life: Saucy

Well ‘ello ‘ello. Look what we have here. The above picture was sent to Bashar by a yet unidentified confident of his.

Now putting aside the fact that this girl is clearly a desperate hussy, one begs the question, how does this guy do it? This guy has got the face of a muppet and the personality of a puppet … he isn’t a catch but more of a loss, and that’s putting aside all the blood he has on his hands. Yet he still seemingly has woman swooning over him. I have never understood the appeal of a repressive dictator let alone a mass murdering one. From Mubarak’s wife, to Ben Ali’s wife, to Bashar’s wife etc. it seems like a heartless, corrupt and bloodthirsty git is not a turn off. Do these women have no ounce of self-respect or worth? Aren’t we woman supposed to be the nurturing, caring and loving ones? Yet we find so many of this high-profile woman shirking this maternal side to them and sticking by their barely there men. There is no rhyme or reason to why they would sell their morals down the river &….oh wait .. hold up…. *re-reads point number 2* …oooooh I see it. One word: Kerching. Money makes the world go round and apparently, these woman’s love lives aswell. It’s all about the dolla dolla bills.

Apparently in these woman’s cases, some things aren’t priceless, and for everything there is Mastercard.

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